Authoritarian Parenting Style

Meet Koshara, an Authoritarian Father

In classical Sanskrit usage, the word Kośāra (कोशार) draws on kośa—“enclosure,” “armor,” or “fortress.” It means “he who encases or confines,” suggesting a figure who safeguards by erecting firm walls and strict protections—an ostensibly sattvic impulse toward order and safety.

However, within the system of Vedic Psychology applied here, Koshara serves as the Authoritarian Father archetype—a caregiver who polices every boundary, issues top-down commands, and prizes unquestioning obedience. Though he may believe he is instilling discipline and virtue, his heavy hand suppresses the child’s spontaneity and authentic self-expression.

This archetype is not enlightened guardianship but a tamasic-rajasic distortion of true authority. Koshara’s rigidity arises less from wisdom and more from fear, unresolved anger, or a compulsive need for control. In over-disciplining, the Koshara father leaves the child tense and self-doubting—internalizing harsh judgement rather than growing within a clear, loving framework.

Meet Toshaka, the Outcome of Authoritarian Parenting 

In essence, adults shaped by authoritarian parenting often develop codependent tendencies, leading to a personality that revolves around gaining approval and avoiding disapproval at all costs. The Toshaka embodies this survival patterns.

• Approval-Seeking: Constantly scans for others’ reactions, basing their self-worth on praise, validation, or acceptance from external sources.
• Conflict-Avoidant: Struggles to express disagreement or personal needs, fearing that setting boundaries will lead to rejection or punishment.
• Self-Neglectful Caretaker: Prioritizes others’ emotions, problems, and comfort over their own—often feeling guilty or selfish for having needs.

• Emotionally Dependent: Feels anxious or empty without frequent reassurance from others; may stay in unhealthy relationships to avoid abandonment
• Over-Apologetic and Perfectionistic: Apologizes even when not at fault and over performs to prove worth, hoping to be seen as “good enough.”
• Identity Confusion: Has difficulty identifying their own preferences, desires, or opinions, because their sense of self was shaped around compliance and keeping others happy.

VEDIC PSYCHOLOGY PERSPECTIVE

Authoritarian parenting often imprints rajasic samskaras—impressions of fear, control, and conditional worth—on the child’s subtle body. These create a fragmented ahankara (ego-identity) rooted in performance and compliance. Beneath their helpfulness lies a silent exhaustion, as they trade authenticity for attachment in a never-ending quest to feel they’ve done enough to deserve love, safety, or acceptance. This drives them to abandon their basic needs daily just to avoid the sting of someone else's displeasure.  Because their parents’ needs consistently overrode their own, they continue to seek out relationships where they can replicate that dynamic—caring for others while neglecting themselves. Others may perceive them as kind and dependable, yet they tend to silently resent the very people they work so hard to please.